Childrens Corner

According to researchers, violent and aggressive behavior is often learned early in life and mostly learned from parents or family members. Living in safe and loving homes is the key to reducing violence and parents can play an important role in this. Parents can help children deal with emotions without using violence. They can be a model for appropriate behavior by managing problems, conflict, anger and stress.

How to prevent and reduce violence:

Here are some suggestions that will help parents prevent or reduce violence.

Give your children love and attention:
Every child needs a strong, loving relationship with a caring adult to feel safe and secure, and to develop a sense of trust. Without these a child is at risk for becoming hostile, difficult, and hard to handle.

Supervise your children:
Insist on knowing where your children are at all times and who their friends are. When you are unable to watch your children, ask someone you trust to watch them for you. Never leave young children home alone, even for a short time.
Also it is important to keep in mind that children learn important social skills while interacting with others when they are well supervised.

Show appropriate behaviors by the way you act:
Act as role models. Settle your own conflicts peaceably and manage anger without violence. Children often follow their parents and learn how to behave from them. If you use violence to settle arguments children will use violence as well to solve their problems. You have to model the right behavior to make him/her avoid violence.

Do not hit your children or yell at them:
Hitting or yelling at children will make them think it is okay to hit or yell when there is a conflict. Children will avoid violence when parents respond them with patience instead of hostile words or actions.

Be firm about rules and discipline:
Set clear limits on behaviors and discuss punishments and rewards in advance.

Make sure your children do not have access to guns:
Remove firearms from your home, or at least ensure that they are locked, well secured, and stored separately from ammunition. Teach children about the dangers of firearms and steps to take if they find a gun.

Try to keep your children from seeing too much violence in the media:
When viewing violence in the media talk with your children and help them to understand how violence affects people's life and how painful it is in real life and explain its serious results.

Teach your children ways to avoid becoming victims of violence:
Teach children the danger of strangers. They should know not to talk or open the door to a stranger or get in a strangers car. Teach them the safe routes for walking in your neighborhood. Encourage children to walk with a friend. Also let them know how important it is to report any crimes or suspicious activity they witness to an adult or police. Tell them to say no if someone wants to hurt them. Encourage children to tell an adult if they are the target of teasing or bullying.

Help your children stand up against violence:
Since bullying is often an underlying cause of school violence, teach children to respect others and tolerate differences. Remind them to refrain from teasing, bullying or making any kind of statement that disrespects or provokes another student.
Also help your children to stand up against violence. When someone hits, threatens or insults him/herself or others teach them to stand up against it by responding calmly but with firm words. Warn your child that bullying and threats can be a set-up for violence.

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2. FACTORS WHICH INCREASE RISK OF VIOLENT BEHAVIOR

Research shows that a combination of factors leads to the risk of violence in children and youth. These are personal, family and environmental factors.

Personal Factors

When the child:

Has poor interpersonal and communication skills
Has poor peer relationships
Does not have respect for others
Does not have empathetic feelings for others
Treats others disrespectfully because of low self-esteem
Does not have any friends because of low social achievement
Cannot control his anger and aggressive behavior
Has history of being the victim of physical abuse and/or sexual abuse
Believes violence is an effective way of solving problems
Has history of aggressive and violent behavior
Brain damage from head injury

Family Factors:

When parents:

Do not love their children
Reject the child, such as telling him/her to get out of the house or telling him/her that she/he is not valuable
Do not show any respect towards their children
Do not have good communication
Do not listen to their children’s problems and feelings
Have a bad relationship
Do not supervise and discipline the children
Treat their children abusive and extremely harsh
Show aggressive and violent behavior
Do not have secure attachment with their infants
Are in an abusive relationship
Frequently changes residence
Have economical, marital or health problems
Cannot be good role models
Do not show responsibilities to take care of their children

Environmental Factors:

Socioeconomic differences and poverty
Racism
Unemployment
Over employment, such as having more than one job or to much overtime
Constantly change in work schedules such as shift work
Easy access to weapons
Discrimination because of disability, class, sex, nationality etc.
Society's (family, friends etc) mixed messages about violence
Excluding people from different cultures in meaningful activities in schools, organizations or government programs
Weak or ineffective authorization for violence

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3. LOOK FOR SIGNS

Some children show behavior that predicts violence. Children who act violently cannot control their feelings. They think causing fear in others through the use of violence will solve their problems. Children who behave violently lose respect and they find themselves isolated. Being disliked and isolated (because of their violent behavior) makes them feel more angry and frustrated.

If the child:

Cannot control his/her anger.
Sees him/her self as always the victim.
Does not have an interest in school.
Does not respect the rules and refuses to fallow them.
Cruel to pets or other kind of animals.
Shows anger and is violent in his artwork and writing.
Talks about weapons or violence all the time.
Obsesses with things like violent TV shows, movies, games etc.
Talks about bringing weapons to school or brings one (any kind of weapon) to school.
Has a history of bullying.
Cannot tolerate for people’s cultural differences.
Has an interest in or involves with gangs.
Isolates him/herself from family and friends.
Is depressive and moody.

If your child shows these signs or similar signs and you notice the change talk to your child about it. Tell him/her that you noticed some changes and want to talk about it and help her/him. Suggest to your child that he/she should find someone special to talk to. Make her/him sure an adult who cares about her can really help. If he/she refuses to talk about it then you should get professional help right away. Talk with a counselor, mental health clinic, psychologist, family doctor etc.

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4. HOW CAN CHILDREN STOP THE VIOLENCE?

Here are some ways children can stop the violence:

Say no and get away if someone tries to abuse you. Tell a trusted adult. It is not your fault.
Stay away from drugs and alcohol.
Be friends with someone who is against violence and drugs.
Do not open the door to anybody you and your parents don’t know and trust.
Do not go anywhere with somebody that you and your family don’t know or trust.
Report any crimes to police, school or parents.
Know safe routes to walk in the neighborhood.
Volunteer to help with community efforts to stop crime.
Join the programs to make school safer and better.
If there is any argument try to settle it with words. Do not use fists or weapons.

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5. CHILDREN AND TV VIOLENCE

Television and movies are not only a source of violent display, but can be the cause of violent behavior in young children as well. There are several ways in which parents can protect their children from the influence of violent programming. Here are a few examples:

Be aware of the programs that children are watching. Watch with them.
Encourage children to become more aware of physical and emotional violence in the television programs that they watch. Children are not aware of cruel or unkind acts they see on their favorite shows.
Do not allow children to watch shows known to be violent. Explain what is wrong with the program.
Explain the difference between violence on TV and realty. Indicate that actors are not actually hurt or killed, in real life results are not the same. Tell them that violence hurts people either physically or emotionally.
Limit the amount of television viewing (per day)
Criticize violent shows in front of children. Tell your children violence is not the way to solve the problems.

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